Pain

I'm taking a parenting class this summer.  I wish I had taken it when my children were young.  I felt I was doing the best I could as a parent, but I can see now that some of my parenting skills were lacking.  It's a tremendous responsibility to think that the way you interact and live with these little children can help or hinder them for the rest of their lives.  I have been thinking a lot lately of what we as humans do to survive the world we live in.  The world can be so overwhelming and stressful that many turn to food, drugs, media, etc. to escape what is happening and perhaps to lessen some of the stress and pain.  I read a quote in my textbook yesterday from a therapist that really hit home. Everyone would benefit from this, she just happened to be writing about her work with adolescent girls.

"All the craziness in the world comes from people trying to escape suffering.  All mixed-up behavior comes from unprocessed pain.  I teach girls to sit with their pain, to listen to it for messages about their lives, to acknowledge and describe it rather than run from it" (Mary Pipher, 1994).

 This concept of focusing on what is going on in our life is so basic, and yet so hard to do.  I deal with some anxiety issues.  For me, if I start to get that feeling I realize that I have let my thoughts go forward or backward in time- if I stay on the exact moment at hand, I can handle what is going on.

Lost it

I'm taking a 'break' from school this summer but still taking 2 online classes.  I'm back east with my husband for most of the summer too.  Suddenly I find I've lost my confidence.  I don't know where it's gone.  I'm wondering if I have what it takes to make it through the end of this degree.  What have I learned that I can share and teach others?  I'm certainly no expert at anything!  What if I try to work in this field and decide it's not really what I'm cut out for?  I swear I was braver when I was younger.  Is that because I know more now?  Maybe ignorance really is bliss!  I want to be the self-confident woman who doesn't worry about being too old, too slow, too white.  What I need to do is dive.  There is a homeless shelter right around the corner- what is stopping me from helping out there while I'm back east this summer?  Just myself.